


A Breakdown

by AlMerriweatherJones



Series: We're all in this together [2]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Bipolar Anders, Bipolar Disorder, Fenris is a Sweetheart, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 04:01:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16442594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlMerriweatherJones/pseuds/AlMerriweatherJones
Summary: What happens when Anders is left to his own devices with only his mind to keep him company. Was listening to "Heavy Dirty Soul" by 21 pilots when this came to me.





	A Breakdown

_Garrett, I don’t think I’m worth Fenris_

That last text to was sent to Hawke. A year into their relationship and Anders still couldn’t shake the feelings of being nothing. He wasn’t worth affection or love. He wasn’t worth anything. How could this amazing, gorgeous, determined man still be with him? It has been about 6 hours into one of Fenris’s rare 10 hr shifts on patrol that Anders started thinking more and more. He was on a day off from the hospital, everyone else was at work, and he was just left to himself.

_Karl left me because I wasn’t good enough, Solona left me because I couldn’t offer enough, why would I think this would be any different Garrett?_

Anders knew that Hawke would be reading these and shaking his head. Once again Hawke would be thinking he was crazy and would give him ten different ways and examples of how this wasn’t true, but Anders knew that this was just to make him feel better for a bit so he’d stop bugging Hawke again. Throwing down his phone on the bed he shared with Fenris, Anders curled himself around their cat Pounce JR, and just stared at the wall until he fell asleep. An incessant beep woke him up and he saw that Hawke had texted him back.

_Talk to him_

That’s it. No words of wisdom, no “you’re just fine Anders”, no joke being passed along from Varric.... just “talk to him”. Fuck Hawke, what did he know. He couldn’t understand, him and his perfect fucking life. Anders spring out of bed, scaring the cat, as he suddenly couldn’t lie anywhere anymore. He all but ran to the kitchen and threw down some baking supplies and started making cookies, though halfway through he couldn’t remember why he started.

That’s right, Hawke was a dick. But why? Hawke has actually told him good advice. Anders just sighed... what was he thinking? Well, he was in the mood for sweets, so he finished the cookies, (and he realized he had started making Fenris favorite without thinking about it) then sat down to binge watch a favorite old sitcom on Netflix.

‘Maybe I should just talk to Fenris’

‘What if he doesn’t understand?'

'What if he just scoffs and walks away?

'What if he decides he’s heard enough and starts yelling?'

'Why should I get to have these problems when he’s been through so much?'

'Maker, I don’t deserve him.’

Anders took a deep breath, he realized his thoughts were spiraling again. This wasn’t right.

‘Ok, let’s just grab the cat again and watch the show together, Fenris will be home in 2 hours, Maker willing, and I’ll figure it out then.’

Once Pounce was settled in his lap, Anders attention was turned to the Tv again and he got lost in the cheesy one liners and over used plot lines until he heard the door open. He turned to see his boyfriend giving him a smile with eyes that said there was no other person he’d rather see. ‘I don’t deserve him’ came unbidden to Anders thoughts again. Not privy to Anders overthinking brain, Fenris stepped quickly over to him and just enveloped him in a large hug and laid a gentle kiss to Anders brow. With no warning Anders just broke down sobbing.

Fenris flinched back and tilted Anders chin up to look at his face. “What’s wrong luv?”

Through gasping breaths, Anders could only gasp, “I... I don’t... even... know... any... anymore.”

Recognizing the breakdown for what it was, Fenris took Pounce and gently pressed him into Anders arms, and once Anders started subconsciously petting the soft fur, Fenris felt right to ask, “what’s in your mind my luv?” With eyes shining wet with more tears, Anders beckoned Fenris to sit down, and suddenly words started gushing out of him. It would be a long night, but one sorely needed.


End file.
